In four weeks, my life will drastically change as I drop off my firstborn at college. After setting up a new dorm room and getting acquainted with the young man who will spend the next nine months living in cramped quarters with my son, Steve and I will search the recesses of our minds to see if there is anything we’ve forgotten to tell Scott… and then all our years of nurture and training will culminate with a hug in a parking lot in North Carolina.
How can that be? One day I was balancing a toddler on my hip and waving at the “big yeah-yoh cool bus” and the next day I’m reminding that toddler-turned-teen to balance his checkbook regularly… and check the oil in his car before leaving for a trip... and wash his sheets at least once before he comes home for Christmas…
And as I part ways with this person who has been at my kitchen table almost every day for the past 19 years, I will return home… to that table… and empty chair... and I will cry. I’m not a weepy person by nature, but I have a feeling that there will be no shortage of tears as I mourn the constant chatter… and the cluttered bathroom… and the messy bedroom. There will be none of Scott’s chatter in the hall or his toothpaste in the sink or his clothes on the floor. It will be QUIET and the silence will be deafening.
As I watch him become less dependent on his parents and more dependent on his Lord, I remember the words of John the Baptist: “He [Jesus] must increase, I must decrease.” (John 3:30) For my son to become the man God has intended him to be, the LORD must increase in his life and his mama must decrease. And that brings me great comfort. And relief! It is good and right that I have less influence in his life, but it won’t be easy and it will be an adjustment.
So my life will drastically change in less than a month, but the reality is that life can drastically change in an INSTANT. As the Lord allows those changes, how will we respond? While mourning is normal and healthy, it can’t continue indefinitely. At some point in time we need to begin the healing process and adjust our lives to a new ‘normal.’ It is never easy, but it is worthwhile. When we allow the Lord to increase and fill those voids with His comfort and His presence and His strength, He proves Himself faithful in ways we can’t imagine.
This brings tears to my eyes as I am barely getting started mothering two young boys. Thanks for sharing your heart. I will enjoy reading your blog posts. Keep 'em coming!!!
ReplyDeleteI will have two in full-day school this year. Somewhat big changes, too. And they want to ride their bikes BY THEMSELVES the whole way down to their friend's house 4 doors down. I let them - then call their friend's mom to check that they arrived "OK" after only 3-4 minutes. I think it all boils down to doing the best I can in God's strength to parent them as I FULLY trust God to keep them safe in the palm of His hand....for God to do and allow as He sees fit, without trying to reclaim control. Thanks for the blog. Love ya, cousin!
ReplyDeleteI had to go and get some tissue to make it through this one. I don't think there is any preparation for the absence of a child. I will pray your strength in the Lord. You have raised an amazing young man of God and he will continue to make you proud of him.
ReplyDeleteI sent the kids off to NC two weeks ago - and was a mess! I told Michael I am not looking forward to sending Grant off to college. Marah again told me she is never moving out - I told her okay. I will keep you as long as you want to stay. I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSeems like just yesterday I was holding him on my lap, making him do the baby dance to "Hammer Time." And then there's the classic, "My mom is a terrible driver" at what was that, about age 3? How did he grow up so fast? So many funny memories.
ReplyDeleteWe will check on him in Asheboro on a regular basis. I know he'll do great!