It happened one Friday...

One year ago, Friday Feb 6, we lost our sweet Karis Amanda Winter.  The Lord used her to bless our lives for 7 short years and then called her home.  It broke our hearts.  It still does.  It always will.

It's been a hard year of "firsts" - the first Mother's Day and Father's Day without her.  The first birthday without her.  The first holiday season without her.  And now we come to the first anniversary of her homegoing, and we've somehow survived it.

It's the worst kind of grief, and there are no words to describe it.  So much of the year seems like a blur to me, and I am just her aunt.  It breaks my heart to imagine what Monica and Jerald have to process on a daily basis, and I wonder if they look back at this year and remember much of it.  Kinda like driving back and forth to work every day -- you know you do it, but you can't remember anything that happened along the way.

I wonder if that might be one of God's ways of helping us heal.  Maybe He gives us just enough grace and strength to get up out of bed and put one foot in front of the other, and before long... days turn into weeks and months and years.  And you settle into a new "normal" and life goes on.  You never get OVER it, you just somehow muddle THROUGH it.

There are certain things we WILL forget, which is good.  Things like pulling up to the house and being stopped by the police as they finished their search.  But there are other things we might forget but shouldn't because they are such clear evidences of God's grace and provision to us at that time.  Some of the things that really blessed ME were...

• Busting Sarah out of school to ride down and help, and the image of her scrolling through my cell phone contacts and helping me make all the necessary calls.
• Scott giving me his hand-me-down ipod, and downloading a praise song he heard in a dream earlier that week
• Monica and Jerald's home group coming to the house and praying over them.
• Beverly Moser, who walked that path of unspeakable grief herself eight years earlier.
• The throng of friends who came to visit them, especially the college students they loved.
• Chicken Pies :)
• My sister Janet and Jerald's cousin Lenita, two of the hardest-working gals you'll ever meet.  They have such servant-hearts and they inspired me more than they will ever know. 
• Uncle David and Dianna driving from Knoxville to spend Sunday afternoon with us.
• The notebook that I kept for Monica.
• Mike, the funeral home director.
• Olivia's birthday party that went on as usual, and all of Monica's girlfriends who made it happen.
• The friends who came to visitation.  SO many friends, and not just Monica's and Jerald's, but MINE! 
• Judy Jewell.  A REAL jewel. 
• The different ways my own kids processed their grief, and the blessing of helping them each work through it.
• My 'hoodies, who road-tripped down for the funeral. 
• Pastor Hunter's pronouncing the massive Rinehart clan as "The Tribe" (a moniker we PROUDLY claim!)
• The Redeemer friends who fed The Tribe PLUS the other sides of the family after the interment - Many thanks to Diane and all the ladies for the wonderful meal

But the thing that really stood out in my mind was THE FAMILY, and that overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be ok because they were all THERE.  We had family travel from NC, VA, WV, PA, FL, TN, IN, WI... and they all rolled in at different times, but it was like Christmas each time I saw one of those precious faces.  No feeling compares to being wrapped up in a big bear hug while the tears flow. So many aunts and uncles and cousins... sharing the grief but rejoicing in being together.  And rejoicing in the Lord and the faith we share... having the confident assurance that this life is NOT all there is and that we will see Karis again.

So this first year has been heartbreaking, but the Lord has been faithful.  And in the midst of the tears, our hearts can sing.

"God made me and everything
that in this world I see
For His own glory
God made everything
And ME!"

I miss you Krazy K, and can't wait for my hug :)