Famous Last Words...

On Thursday we will drive to North Carolina to take our firstborn to college. The past few days have been busy and exciting and nerve-wracking, but we've finally got the cars loaded and will roll out early. Since Scott can have a car and will be 3 hours away, we're letting him take his car, and Steve decided to let me ride with Scott. I'm sure that decision had something to do with the fact that I'm his mama and would want to spend every possible minute with him... and also his assumption that I would have plenty of last-minute advice to impart... and no hesitation WHATSOEVER to impart it... where do these people get these ideas??? ;)

For at least 10 years we have had a framed print at the top of the stairs titled "21 Suggestions for Success" by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. It's good common sense advice, and I (stupidly) assumed that Scott had read them. After all, Sarah could practically recite them in order, but her brother... well, let's just say that when Sarah and I heard him confess that he'd never read them, we looked at him like two confused puppies. And little sis unloaded her contemptuous "REALLY?? Are you KIDDING me????"

So... in honor of my son, who for the last ten years has been too distracted to read the wisdom found on this PROMINENTLY placed list, here it is. With one of mine thrown in for good measure ;)

21 Suggestions For Success
By H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet the way you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even if it means you’ll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be hold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your Mom proud.

And one more from Suz… remember:
The most dangerous place you’ll ever be is outside the will of God.

Scott, I love you. You have made us VERY proud.

Six Long Months

Today is the six-month anniversary of my niece’s death. The way Karis was taken from us was cruel – fine one minute, gone the next. The only thing that happened in that minute was a cough. She was perfectly healthy, perfectly beautiful, perfectly spunky...

She would have turned eight years old this Tuesday and we would have had another shared birthday dinner. My birthday is the day before hers so we had a lot of fun birthdays together. Well, not a LOT… to be exact, only seven.

My favorite birthday with Karis was at a Mexican restaurant here in Roanoke. Besides the embarrassment of singing and clapping, there was also the joyful experience of waiters stuffing your mouth full of whipped-creamy cake and then taking what wouldn’t fit in your jaws and rubbing it in your hair. (You have to sign a release for this kinda fun, and a goofy sister is just the person to assume liability for such fun.)

You could hear the singing begin in the kitchen and come wandering through the restaurant in search of the birthday celebrant/victim. I knew what was coming, so I pulled Karis onto my lap. All she knew is that WE were the birthday girls and that something FUN was coming for US, so she began looking around and waving her hands so as to guide the sleuthing waiters our way. And then came the FUN – mouths filled with dessert, faces smeared with cake, hair capped with whipped cream… and it WAS fun. It was one of the most wonderful memories of my life, and it’s a memory that will haunt me every August from now on.

This year I celebrate my birthday by myself and Karis celebrates hers in Heaven. Monica will endure the day somehow, although I can’t fathom how she’ll do it. I can’t fathom how she’s endured ANY of the days since Karis died. I’ve been able to spend days with her here and there, and Karis’ absence in the house is still palpable. It breaks my heart. I can’t imagine how it shatters the heart of her mother, my little sister.

Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children, especially the little ones. Parents are supposed to watch them grow up, attend dance recitals and ball games, monitor permanent teeth (and plan for braces), walk them through the experience of a first love, help pick up the pieces of their first broken heart, teach them to drive a car, move them out of our house so they can begin their life apart from us… and then when WE are old and gray, they are supposed to bury US. THAT’S the plan, not the other way around.

But life doesn’t always go according to what we plan. It goes according to what God in His sovereignty allows. Sometimes He allows wonderful blessings and adventures, and sometimes He allows heartache and difficulty. One of the most profound life lessons can be found in the book of Job. After losing his wealth and children and finally his health, Job’s wife complains that he should curse God and die. Job’s response is one that has rung in my ears for the past six months: “Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" (Job 2:10, NLT)

We are learning to accept this bad thing but it isn’t easy, especially in this year of ‘firsts’. Our hearts ache, and will ache for a long time. We will heal, but we’ll always have a tender spot in our hearts for a spunky little seven-year-old who laughed and danced and lived every day to its fullest. And who left us way too early.

Happy Birthday, Krazy K --

Aunt Susan misses you :)

Cancer claims another life

We lost another friend to cancer this week. We watched another valiant fight. We prayed again for healing and the healing came, but not on this side of the grave. We saw another family lose a parent. Again. This is getting old.

When I reflect on my younger years, I remember my parents' friends but I honestly don't remember any of them dying. I can recall the first time I saw someone with cancer. She was a sweet little old lady who lived on a farm and grew the sweetest corn I've ever tasted. (I was in that area last summer and came back with a dozen ears! I've made a note to go back this year.) She loved our family and was such a gracious hostess. I remember going with my Dad to visit her in the last days of her life, and I can still envision how she looked. Frail. Ashy. Stomach distended. Not long after that visit I'm sure my Dad officiated her funeral. Beth was my first friend to die at cancer's hand, but unfortunately not my last.

One of my good friends from college called me earlier this summer to tell me that her brother's cancer had progressed and he was in his last days. Like I've done before, I sent her the list that my husband compiled several years ago -- the things you do when you're diagnosed with metastatic cancer. He's walked too many families down this path so he knows the drill. He knows it well.

And I hate it. I hate it with a passion. I hate the emotional ups and downs. I hate the wrestling with your faith. I hate having to pray for wisdom about treatment options. I hate having to pray for healing and strength. I hate the side effects of chemo and radiation. I hate that God allows people to walk this path, and that some of them have to walk it multiple times. I HATE IT.

But it's become a fact of life. While the National Cancer Institute reports an overall drop in cancer incidence and death rates, that's little comfort to our friends whose loved ones didn't survive. They are left to pick up the pieces of their lives and move on. And they do, but that path isn't easy and very often the struggle with their faith continues.

I wonder why God allows the existence of something as heinous as cancer. Oh, I can quote plenty of scripture about why He allows adversity and how He can (and does!) work in the midst of it, but cancer is TERRIBLE. What it does to a body is despicable and what it does to a family is gut-wrenching. And those last days of life are indescribable... and that last gasp of breath...

Gone. Free from the bonds of the diseased prison that held them and released into the arena of the afterlife. Then what? God's Word tells us there are only two places -- with Him or without Him. And I choose WITH HIM because...

When I breathe my last breath I will be escorted into spacious glory of Jesus my Savior. Nobody really knows what will happen in those next few minutes (are there minutes in eternity?) but what we know for sure is recorded in 2 Corinthians 5 - to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. After we exhale our last breath on earth, we breathe our first in the presence of Jesus. Free. Whole. Delivered from the enemy of death.

Listen to David's comforting words: He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me. (Psalm 18:16-19)

God delights in us when we delight in Jesus, Who conquered death and has prepared a place for those who love Him and live for Him. His grace and mercy are free gifts, gifts that last forever.

My prayers remain with the Kings & the Shroeders, and now with the Rooneys.