Chapter 6 is a familiar passage to a lot of us, mainly because it follows the dreaded chapter 5. Paul has just addressed the relationship between husbands and wives (namely submission, which is actually a good and helpful thing if people would take the time to learn what it really IS). He now continues his instruction on harmony in the home as he turns his attention to the parent-child relationship:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'--which is the first commandment with a promise-- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." ~Eph 6:1-4
For many in our class, our child-rearing days are long past. Even though it is hard to discipline kids, no matter WHAT age, the benefits are SO worth it. Undisciplined children are never happy or satisfied, and they are disappointed in relationships because they can't always get their way. They also don't respect authority in the home, which means they won't respect authority OUT of the home. It's a parent's job to train and instruct their children so they can be mature adults who know who they are in Christ and how they are to relate to others. Even when our children are adults, we can still instruct and train by talking to them about our mistakes and the things that concern us as we age.
And aging parents... that's something many of us are dealing with now. There are special considerations with aging, particularly when mental faculties become impaired. I have several friends whose parents are in the throes of dementia and Alzheimers. How tragic it is to watch your parents become forgetful, lose their independence, and even forget who you are. There are tough decisions to be made and they can often put family members at odds with each other. While there are no easy answers and every situation is unique, full-time supervised care is often in the best interest of the parent and the family grieves over those decisions.
Sometimes family dysfunction makes it difficult to honor and care for parents, but regardless of the level of dysfunction in the family, and since we're all flawed I would dare say that every family has at least a some level of dysfunction, our parents have made sacrifices for us and love us and it's our responsibility to honor them. In fact, we are commanded to honor them AND it's the first commandment with a promise - if we honor our parents, things will go well with us and we'll live a long life!
(Please understand that I'm not trivializing dysfunction. When there are serious issues like abuse, it's VERY important to find a godly professional counselor who can help sort through those issues. Healing isn't easy but it IS possible. We serve a God who raised Christ Jesus from the dead and He can also breathe new life into dead or dying relationships.)
We brainstormed some ideas about how we, as adults, can honor our parents. We came up with a great list:
- spend time with them
- talk with them
- ask questions about their history
- understand their personality
- ask them for advice
- include them in your life
- be thankful for them
- look out for their best interests
- forgive them
- be gracious to them
- respectfully listen to them tell stories over and over and over :)
One funny thing we admitted is that every parent has eccentricities and idiosyncrasies, and they seem to become more pronounced with age. To protect the innocent (and keep peace in the family) I won't list any of them here, but YOU KNOW what I'm talking about! Sometimes we feel like we need to step in and try to correct them, but that's not always the case. Sometimes it's just something that gets under OUR skin and others find endearing and amusing. And that led me to this epiphany:
If it doesn't endanger their LIFE (physical health and safety) or their LIVELIHOOD (financial situation, well-being, independence), LET IT GO. Understand their individual personality and temperament, and appreciate their uniqueness. And when you feel yourself groaning or feeling frustrated, just take a deep breath and remember - they are providing you with stories to tell your grandchildren!
Being able to graciously and patiently smile at little irritants will go a long way in keeping harmony in the house, and more importantly it will set an example for OUR children, because before long WE will be the aging parents with the idiosyncrasies and eccentricities ... How will we want our children to treat US?
No comments:
Post a Comment